"I still remember: 28th June 2012, when the clock struck 12, I was on the stage dancing into my birth day.
I came off that stage and I did not know what sort of happiness it was - was it even happiness? I know of happiness, but it did not felt the same - it felt like so much more."
"Fast forward .. 1,2,3,4 ..
"Pound the Alarm .. Say My Name" .. within my peripheral vision, I remember seeing and feeling my friends energy and there was a moment, faced down, with the lights flashing ... so overwhelming ... it felt as if it was that flashing moment right before death; I lost all surrounding sounds, sight and feeling - it was surreal, almost magical, as if I could see the movement as a third person, myself ... suddenly everything seeping its way back into my body, almost like a jolt - a re-embodiment."
"November 2011, Amsterdam. 50 people. 50 pairs of eyes at a close proximity, but yet the line of lights on the studio ground formed a separate, gravity-like membrane. And then I was on my knees; and for once, the first and the very last time, I felt like I could believe in God. "It is ok. You don't have to be strong." - That was the first time, tears became a part of the dance."
"Halloween 2010, Sheffield. It was not our first performance; stage-fright did not exist ... but 30 seconds before showtime, I literally envisioned my mind go completely white. Nervous, I have been. Frightened, I have been. But this magnitude of real, unforseen, fear?/freeze?/paralysis? - of unknown origin; of un-timed arrival, until today I do not know the reason. All I know, I turned and looked at my friend and it morphed into a knowledge; a faith; a vision: I knew it would be our best performance yet, for that time."
"September 2003, June 2009, April 2012, May 2012, December 2012 and February 2013."
- J ☆
***
Life granted to, by a choice, of what started as a passion.
Where did the painful excerpts go?
Oh, it was there.
It is remembered, but it is not relived.
Not in memoirs, not in words -
but oh, it was there.
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